Wednesday, April 3, 2013 – 1:09 a.m.

Tonight showed me something: I have a three friends and neighbors who are hurting deeply. I need to be in a place where I can pray for them, and believe that God will hear me.

I’m not in that place, because of my own stuff. It’s their stuff that’s causing them so much pain, too. But I can see it; I’ve been saved. I’ve been blessed with having had the opportunity to have counseling for a number of years. I’m no less flawed than them, no less in need of prayer……but I saw their pain, and it’s my responsibility to respond.

And now………I return to the behavior that I believe incapacitates me from interceding on their behalf.

God help me.


2 thoughts on “Wednesday, April 3, 2013 – 1:09 a.m.

  1. Mark, I know the crippling self doubt you are experiencing now all to well. When I feel this way I try to remember something I learned a few years ago which is that You are in God’s family now; and once forgiven you are forever forgiven. God loves you no less today than he did when you first loved him and there is NOTHING you could do to diminish his love for you. He knew every mistake we would make before we make it. Those crippling thoughts don’t come from Him they come from our own self-hatred, doubt and guilt fueled by pit of hell. Prayer is never a bad thing, ever. God hears your prayers even when you don’t have the words.

    this verse popped into my mind when I first read your post: I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

    I’ll be praying for you bro, you are a good man.

    • Thanks, brother.

      It was a confluence of elements that led to my specific mood last night, and it just felt like a moment of clear, hard reality hitting me; that God’s role for me (if not us all) is, if nothing else, to intercede on our fellows’ behalf, and that letting my spirituality slide isn’t something that only affects me. It was a moment of insight that I wanted to remember, put down in a more concrete, somewhat public way, thereby making accountability possible also.

      Since there are a number of Christians on my friends’ list at FaceBook, and since I’d previously set up my blog to link new posts there, I guess I was also reaching out for some wisdom, and, admittedly, reassurance.

      True to your form, and also to the best I’ve come to anticipate from you, you’ve provided both, and not just this time only.

      As another friend whom I told I pray for almost every day said: I can use all the prayers I can get.


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